How to Live Through Divorce
No one goes into a marriage with the expectation that at some point it is going to end. Unfortunately, statistics prove that the average divorce rate hovers around 45%. Some studies claim it to be higher, regardless of what the actual average is when you are one of the statistics you might find yourself at a complete loss regarding how to deal with this major life change.
Emotional Overload
One of the things you can expect when going through a divorce is an onslaught of emotions. If you are not the one who wants the divorce there may be a tremendous amount of shock, rage, and resentment that develops against your ex. Even if the divorce is a mutual agreement, nothing can truly prepare you for all of the feelings you will experience. Along with the rage and resentment, other common emotions you may experience are fear, sadness, grief, and denial. Remember, that no matter which emotion you may experience, and they can change throughout the course of a day, they are normal. Divorce is a loss and like any other loss, emotions are going to come as you work through the process of going from a married person to a single person.
Dealing with Divorce when Kids are Involved
Divorce is incredibly difficult on kids. Helping kids get through a divorce requires a lot of effort on the part of both parents. It is important that you listen to what your children have to say. It is also important that you be as honest as possible with the kids as to why you are divorcing, omitting details that are too graphic or inappropriate. Your children need to know that they are not the reason for the divorce and that the divorce itself does not change the love, you as parents, have for your children.
Change is hard, and this change is exceptionally hard on kids. Communicate with your former spouse and come to an agreement regarding keeping your children in the same schools, and if possible, the same home. It may be the case that moving is unavoidable and if this is the case then you must both take time out to discuss this with your children in order to make the transition as easy as possible. Splitting up the family and forcing them to make new friends, adjust to a new home, and school can be far too overwhelming. Never badmouth your former spouse in front of their children and do your best to ensure both parents get ample time with the children, this will make things easier on them.
How to Cope
As an adult coping with a divorce will be a lot easier if no children are involved. Women have statistically been shown to cope with divorce better than men do, but ultimately it can still be hard for both partners to adjust to a new life following the break down of a marriage. Here are some things you can do to help get through the divorce:
- Find a new hobby – Finding a new hobby is a great way to deal with the pain of the divorce. If you enjoy dancing, start taking dance classes. If you enjoy running, start running more.
- Clean House – Removing all traces of your former spouse might help with the transition from married life to the single life. If things in the house cause you some pain, box them up and either give them to your ex, store them, or donate them.
- Lean on Good Friends – This is a two part process, first identify who your true friends are and eliminate those that only make you feel bad. Once you have narrowed down your circle, lean on them when you start feeling down. Having an ear always helps.
- Remind yourself Life isn’t over- As easy as it might be to feel the world has come to an end, it has not. You have only hit a bump in the road of life. Take a deep breath, take some time, and before you know it life will be good again.
Dealing with a divorce is different for the millions of people that go through it in their lifetime. There are moments where you may feel that your life is over, but in reality, you have only completed one chapter and it is time to move onto the next. Your emotions will be all over the place for a time but eventually you will learn to handle them. Another thing to remember when going through a divorce is your life is not offer if you keep living. You can do countless things with your life that will help you cope and bring happiness back into your life. Change is hard, but sometimes the best things in life start with unwanted change.
References:
http://www.divorce.usu.edu/files/uploads/lesson3.pdf
http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/divorce.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2362483/Women-cope-divorce-better-men-suffer-financially.html