When two people go through a divorce, they are terminating their marriage. Forty to fifty percent of people in the United States that are married end up in a divorce, in a second marriage 60 to 67 percent end up in a divorce and in a third marriage 70 to 73 percent end up in a divorce. There are many factors that contribute to two people getting a divorce and some of the major reasons are getting married at a young age, lack of commitment, arguing, and abuse. Fifty percent of all children will witness their parents get a divorce. There are beliefs that children whose parents get a divorce end up doing worse in the future, then of children whose parents are not divorced. A divorce can have negative outcomes on a child like having behavioral problems; so I believe the way parents handle the divorce and their parenting skills will determine how a child will turn out.
When the process of divorce is happening, the mind of the family is very unclear. Parenting skills can worsen during a divorce. When the parenting skills worsen, the relationship of the parent and child will be weaker. There is anger and tension in the air. They might not be paying close attention to how the divorce is affecting their child. The children will be ignored which can lead them to feeling rejected. The children may start feeling sad, angry, have separation anxiety or have a hard time sleeping. There might be no discipline in the house. (Rapport) The parents need to be able to show their child that he or she can express themselves around them, and encourage them to say how they are feeling about the divorce, the parents need to continue being supportive, and communicate with each other. This will lead a child to having a positive adjustment experience on the divorce. Children will adjust better when the parent who has custody displays child-rearing behavior.
Joint Legal Custody will benefit children in ways such as keeping both parents in the child’s life; it can also be the best way to parent after the divorce. Both parents need to be able to make the best decision for their children. They need to be able to make the transition as smooth as possible. The child will be able to stay in both houses having strong relationships with both his/her parents. The child won’t feel lost or rejected as some children feel when a parent moves out and don’t get to see their non-custodial parent as often. The parents need to be able to make joint custody work for their children. They need to stay in touch to make sure what is going on with each other’s schedule involving their child. If there ais disagreement and conflict the child will feel like they are caught in the middle. If there is tension between the parents, they need to be able to work around it and be able to trust one another. A negative and uncomfortable environment will be placed around the child. When the child witnesses their parents having conflict, the child might have issues adjusting to the divorce. (Rapport) When making decision parents need to realize that they are a parent first and that their divorce comes second.
Divorced parents spend less time with their children; the parents are less supportive and have a more conflict relationship with their child than parents who are not divorce. A study done in 2000 showed that mothers who applied firm parenting and supervision, those children had less internalization problems. If parents see a change in their child they should ask them what’s wrong. The child needs to know they aren’t going to be judged, so a gentle approach should take place. When a child knows that the parents are working together, they will want a strong relationship with both instead of only having a relationship with one parent over the other. The parents should encourage the child to have parent child relationship with one another. A model for parenting was made by Jay Belsky with three major parts. (Pryor 48) These three parts are, “parental characteristics and resourced, the social context in which the family lives, and the support available in this context; and characteristics of children.” (Pryor 48) Belsky believes that the relationship of the two parents is source for parenting especially when the family is going through the transition of the divorce.
I interviewed both college students whose parents are divorced and students whose parents aren’t. My strategy was to see how the answers varied. Being a college student myself with friends whose parents are divorced and are not, I figured the answers would be much different coming from students whose parents are not divorced. One of the students I interviewed whose parents are divorced said that her parents got a divorced when she was two, so she has never known anything else. She believes that if the divorced would have had happened when she was seven or older it would have been more traumatic. Another student with divorced parents said that a divorce could either strengthen the relationship between the child and each parent, or challenge it. The child might not understand how they need to behave or how to separate the expectations from one household to another. She believes that the longer the divorce, the stronger the relationship grows between the parent and child. When I asked if children with divorced parents should see someone like a therapist, the student whose parents got a divorce when she was two said that it should be up to the child to decided if he/she needs the help. Student whose parents are not divorced answered the questions. She said that the divorce would not affect the long run of the child and that they should not turn out any different then children whose parents are together.